Disguised As Fools

Let’s talk about Saturn

June 26, 2025
I’ve been told I’m a bit of a weirdo. Not always with words.

I’m sure everyone’s experienced this: catching the tail end of an eyeroll; a glance shared between other people behind your back that surprises you, and makes you quickly shut your mouth, and try to remember not to do whatever you were just doing that causes such displeasure ever again.

I’ve realised over the years, this tends to happen most, when I am in my excitement for organising zone.

People don’t like Saturn energy, in my experience. But me? Me?

Oh… I love it.

Two energies make me feel safest these days. Underworld energy: that dulcimer sensation of sinking into the soft black earth of my astral grave, down into the dripping caves of my gorgeous solitude: darkness, like velvet bliss, the sweet smell of roots, cold stone, and just the faintest sweetness of decay…

Photo: Bradley Dunn. Find him on Unsplash

And the other energy is a plan well laid, and boundaries well marked, and everyone knowing what they’re supposed to be doing and why.

To me the connection between these two energies is very obvious and good: it’s about cycles, and timing, and the fact that there is a right time for everything, and to do those things in their right time brings life.

Put the bulbs in the ground in Autumn, and you will have sweet sweet hyacinths in the Spring. Sleep when your body needs it, and you will regulate and have total freedom to do anything and everything you want.

It’s not always about order – chaos absolutely has its right time as well, and if you ride it when you’re called to, you get POWER.

But if you deny cycles, deny right timings, deny and ignore those deep callings from your intuition towards absolutely the right thing, to me, it feels a very unpleasant kind of wrong. I know because I did it for years trying to make everyone else happy.

There is nothing wrong with each of us being turned on by different things – nothing wrong with us all having totally different nervous systems and tastes. It’s where we’re forced to conform that the problems start to occur.

It is so interesting to me, that when I am high energy, making plans, plotting the moves, getting my ducks in a row and practically beside myself with excitement about a long project – the person next to me is drained. It baffles me that they love to relax with a sit and a dawdle and repeat seemingly void habits that have no process or purpose to my eye, over and over, whereas to me these hours sitting and not doing make me feel like my whole system is a washing machine full of rocks.

I do not like it.

It’s not that I can’t relax: I love to relax! In the garden, quietly on the step with a mug of coffee, and no thoughts in my head. I like to sink into a good book and wile away earth time in another world entirely.

But to sit in my body and be passively unengaged is like a kind of torture.

And I suspect this is why some people see Saturn as the rigid and judgemental Sky Daddy – Like Blake’s Urizen, gouging his laws into books of metal, and forcing all of nature into mills and factories, and generally glooming up the place by being a bossy tyrant-

Blake’s Ancient of Days – fair use of British Museum copy for personal/educational, non-commercial use.

-while I see him as the ultimate teacher and reference library for when and how to sustain life, and draw out its deeper, most mystical potentials. Its hidden treasures.

Balance: The order with the chaos, the planned with the spontaneous, the nurtured with the trusted and observed. But the boundaries too.

And again, this is where the underworld comes into play, because there are boundaries, and there are rules, and balance depends on them being held in place. The dead must not rejoin the living, and the living must not think they can dwell down with the dead. The living belong to life. And the dead have many fates belonging to them, depending on your viewpoint. But nothing good came of a living being pining away over a grave. Wounds must be healed, you cannot leave them to fester without proper process. I don’t know if there is some kind of unnamed existential infection, but sometimes it seems as if these boundaries are very much there for a profoundly serious reason, and who am I to argue with the order of the universe?

You cannot undo what has been done, and if you could, all meaning and purpose would dissolve. Nothing would matter. You would never grow, there would be no sumptuous transformations – and anyone who has undergone transformation will know that no matter how hard it was, there is always a sense of awe and satisfaction on the other side.

Wonder at the miracles of our inner universes.

I changed. I survived. I overcame that. I was helped by so many people.

All that vanishes if the limits around time, realms and veils were simply taken away, and suddenly you were able to rewind, edit, maybe even delete some people entirely.

It is an existential nightmare I find very irritating to see popping up in narrative fiction all the time – I lose interest the second that plot device comes up, because it negates everything, and everyone.

It makes poor storytelling, so I suspect it would make for very boring existence as well.

Saturn

Time is not punishment. Challenges don’t need to be seen as torture.

Heaven, or bliss or whatever you call a state of higher grace, is not a domain where everyone can sit around all the time not having to do anything.

Life is alive, and vibrant, and it is in constant progress – miracles big and small. To plant something and be surprised to see it six or seven months later; to watch animals learn to walk, to catch a glimpse of life emerging out of the raw earth, or your own infants grow into such complicated little universes right in front of your eyes.

To dream – to hear music – to smell apple pie and feel the chill after a fat hot summer – all of these things, all of these sensations and dreams – none of it is worth selling for the distraction of disengaging. You forget they exist, you forget how they feel, taste, smell. You forget what they bring to life inside you – and nothing on a screen can replace that. Nothing can replicate that connection to your own miraculous existence.

I suspect if any Virgos are reading this, the sentiment might be familiar. So often mocked and ridiculed, for being controlling, anal, or unable to chill out and enjoy themselves.

But the Earth Goddess of Virgo is another life bringer, both through agriculture and cycles, but also of soul. Her symbol is almost like an animated visual of planting things in the soil over time, one – two – and the energetic movement of it connecting deeply at the end -tethering and making secure. Timed action – at the right time – that symbol is an occult secret right there in front of your face, and ridiculing it, to me, seems the greatest self-exposure of someone who does not understand the intricate workings of nature, or magic, or their own processes.

Photo: George Pach. Find him on Unsplash

We can plant anything we want. I suspect we do plant things subconsciously all the time – and whether you know it or not, whether your seeds are happy or sad, they all rise to the surface once they’ve gestated. We are repeating it over and over. Some with intention, others with no idea they are weaving their world through passively repeated actions.

So, while others may be talking about Saturn and Neptune entering Aries in 2025 being about the self, identity, a new cycle of the individual (“the new you”), and how you can go get your dreams and reboot your career (a mentality I think is far more likely to lead Neptune to slap you with a cocaine habit and an ego nightmare), I wonder if maybe it’s about giving you an opportunity to link your dreams, with a nice clear plan to bring them into your own reality.

Taking all that you tell yourself is just a silly fantasy, and showing you, hey: There’s a perfect time for this.

And yes, maybe a little discipline and responsibility – but is that really such a bad thing?

When you prioritise something you really, really care about, and work hard on it – as long as you keep the long road in sight and don’t expect immediate impractical miracles – you’ll get to the end of a whole lot of your days feeling very, very good about yourself.

Some Questions to Ask:
- Do you have any secret dreams you often daydream about, but have never taken seriously?
- How does your gut react to the suggestion of a schedule, or a formal plan? Why do you think it does that?
- What do you crave, deep in your architecture: your bones?
- What patterns seem to repeat in your life, as if pre-programmed?
- If you could make a wish for your future, what would it be?
Photo: Javardh. Find on Unsplash

As always, thanks for reading.

Good Luck, and Go On
New Moon in Cancer 2025

June 25, 2025
Photo: Mark McNeill – find his work on Unsplash

There will be a lot of discussion about this new moon, with all the wondrous astrological events happening all through this year, and I would highly recommend taking a very diverse approach to hearing about it, because there is never ONE interpretation.

Likewise there are already vast volumes about Cancer’s tarot card: The Chariot. You can read all its associations and possible symbols in a hundred different places.

Rather than regurgitate what’s already widely available, I find myself wanting to focus on a different aspect of this new moon, and this card:

Duality

There’s a lot of Duality in The Chariot – mirrored structures, twinned objects, like wings, beasts, and opposing colours alternating in a binary pattern.

A figure with a look of determination and focus is seen wrangling two seemingly opposing ideas at once, and using it to move themselves forward.

Binaries have been getting a hard rap in the age of Aquarius. On the surface level, it looks like this period wants to dissolve all ideas of either/or into spectrums. But this in itself reminds me of the cosmic charioteer, in the Tarot’s number VII.

In its highest form, the act of harnessing two extremes sparks a reaction that produces creative power. The spectrum in between black and white is not denied existence – the Charioteer themselves stands exactly there – radiant with star-fall!

But it is the ability to cope with things which others cannot abide existing simultaneously that gives this master some drive and motion. It literally enables him to go further.

This card may look like it’s about opposites, but it is enormously about subtlety – and that’s something I suspect as a culture moving forward, we’re going to need to relearn, and harness once again. it is not about fighting, it is about combining, without diluting. And combining opposing forces is a very magical concept.

For a cosmic example (I am a mystic before anything else after all), I look not to the obvious such as lightness and darkness, or to existence or nothingness, but rather to The Void and The Abyss.

The void and the abyss are two contrasting ends of a very particular spectrum – one is the pure potential necessary for creation – from which all creation comes; the other is the realm where negation destroys existence. The abyss’ nothingness is not the same as the void’s emptiness, and yet, they are exactly that: just as zero, meaning none, has also been known to represent infinity.

Sometimes a binary represents an entire spectrum, simply by defining either the boundary at either end – nothingness that is potential vs nothingness that is endings – or in fact the negative to prove the positive. We are not JUST, we are AND.

So where does the cosmic crab meet the cosmic charioteer? My thoughts right now find it somewhere between Clarissa Pinkola Estés’ comparison of the mother that nurtures versus the mother that comforts.

All artwork belongs to Disguised as Fools. You do not have permission to use it.

A nourishing mother can seem rather cruel – a lioness who leaves her cubs to hunt for them, or bullies them with teeth and harsh mood. She is teaching them exactly what their environment will demand of them, so that they will be able to survive it and live life for themselves. Too cruel a mother, and the child develops wonky attachment issues, and problematic low self-esteem, so it’s still a balancing process.

A mother who only comforts can be just as damaging. Beyond nurturing a child and making them feel loved, valued and safe, sometimes that kind of smother-mother’s impact is far closer to neglect, what it hides is the mother’s own needs being met, while her responsibility to teach her child the skills and resilience necessary for the real world is not in sight. She does not prepare her child for the reality that exists, but a fantasy world of comfort, safety and all their needs being met immediately which does not exist. In the cocoon she makes, she rears them to expect ease, comfort, niceness and that there will always be someone around to do everything for them when it feels too tough to do it for themselves.

In the wild, children of these mothers don’t last very long.

In society, no-one wants to be around them.

So Cancer – often referred to as the mother of the zodiac – faces the same delicate choices.

Photo: David Clode. Find him on Unsplash

She can be your greatest ally in moving you forward in your life: like the chariot, pulled by the twin Sphynxs, those symbols of mystic wisdom and knowing, Cancer can handle many paradoxes in her profound depths:
- Earthy practicality, and emotional nurturing.
- Intuition, and learned experience.
- Careful, gentle and permissive – yet hard, suffering no fools, cutting and emotionally swift.
She is a symbol of both sacred solitude, and the family and home. She can guide you and drive you, and can dig deep into incredible resources – maybe more than any other sign. She will understand what you need – guided by an intuition as mystical as the moon and stars, as uncannily wise as the Sphynx herself.

And she can be ferocious on your behalf, just like that wild mother. Loyal to the death in her beautiful thick armour and innate weapons of defence and attack. She was born for this. She is the power of the ocean poured into a body of rock, as if a stone of deepest, most grounded earth were inspired to life by pure spirit and all that defines the magic of water.

All in her circular arms are family, part of her indomitable heart…

Or she can grip tight, pinch, drag you under to her water realm and drown you. Her emotions overwhelming, her clinging like weeds around your ankles. Her shell impossible to penetrate once you have wounded her.

Sensitivity has two sides.

In balance, it is a gift akin to angelic sight, but out of balance… it is a storm like the tropics at sea. Goddess energy, gone wild and dark. Calypso. Sea witch. Like the moon hauling tides, she can pull down the skies and you will see the dark side to her power. And since she knows you – really knows you (she will have endeavoured to know your heart, to nourish and heal you at some point) – her weapons hit right at your weaknesses, and she will never soften once she feels you’re wronged her, or defiled her sacred shield which she once covered you with…

This charioteer can certainly take you on a deep journey – but never forget the chariot was first and foremost designed for battle. Like the crab’s shell, even if its purpose is to shield something very vulnerable inside, you are nevertheless dealing with a very hard outer carapace.

So what do we make of this duality?

The season is about flow, intuition, emotions – very watery and mystical things. But it is also about home, family, relationships, friends, community. It is both deeply inward, and flowing outward: going in, and gathering others in.

To figure out what to do, remember the Sphynx sacred role: to ask the right questions. So penetrating are these questions, they have the ability to cut some people to the quick. It’s not easy to face our less sublime aspects.

Questions to ask yourself this, for this Cancer New Moon.
- Where do you locate your own emotional security?
- Does it come from within, and flow out towards others? Or do you reach for others trying to pull it into you from them?
- Is it stable, and balanced?
- Or are you locking parts of yourself away, available to no-one, because deep down, you’re not so sure you feel safe in yourself?
- What are your claws doing these days? Defending others, and what matters? Or guarding you against the world?
- How do you emotionally punish others when they have wounded you?
- How do you communicate with those closest in your life?
- Is your intuition to nurture yourself and others? Or to protect in emergency mode, and hold too tight?
- Are you afraid to be alone?
One final thought. To me, the crab’s shell has always resembled a broad heart shape. With so many strong symbols -the ocean, water, the moon, secrets, magic and deep feminine mysteries – a Cancer individual can make a home for those she cares about anywhere in the world, under any circumstances.

Never forget the heart is central to the body, and to your family, and to your own healing and wellbeing.

Go inwards. Seek it out. And if it has been locked away, take it out and be with it for a while. This is the perfect dark night to hear what it wants to tell you.

Photo: Darrell Cassell. Find him on Unsplash

As always, thanks for reading.

Good Luck, and Go On
Is the 3 of Cups the antidote to the 3 of Swords?

June 24, 2025

Relationships are hard.

Underneath even the most harmonious of friendships, there can be delicate dynamics at work, capable of falling to pieces at a moment’s notice. For a mutually nourishing connection to survive trying times, it requires emotional stability and self-security from all parties – so naturally, problems often arise.

But the 3 of Swords speaks of an earthquake in a relationship, not a passing summer storm.

Betrayal.

Devastating disappointments in those you trusted most.

Loss, grief, deep emotional wounds and possibly even despair.

3 of Swords

Yet, the heart in the image remains whole. It is still full and resilient. Wounded, but not torn to shreds or bleeding to death. There is hope of recovery.

This isn’t to trivialise the event. In the real world of complex human emotions, “you’re over it” doesn’t quite apply.

How do you let go of old resentments and very real wrongs done, when they have huge impacts on your life? How do you get over the sense that if you can’t trust those closest to you, you cannot trust anyone?

I look first of all at the nature of all the 3s in tarot:

The 3s are the first step towards building something stable: the first foundational part, if you like. As the great Kelly-Ann Maddox put it, way back in ye olden days of internet tarot discussion – the 3s are adding a third leg to a two-legged stool.

Stability.

Progress.

The first step towards something more permanent and secure.

In this way, the 3 of Swords might be seen as a vital step towards an important lesson which may be deeply unpleasant but necessary for growth. A lesson about who to trust, and who to be wary of next time around. It is also a lesson about yourself: how you react to this wound may define the pattern of your life for many years after. Since the core wounding of this card’s themes is an emotional one, it makes logical sense to look to the Cups for a possible comparison.

Now, at first glance, the 3 of Cups looks like the antithesis of what you need, want, or are remotely capable of after an event like the 3 of Swords – which is why in the wisdom of the tarot, the next card in that suit – the 4 of Swords – is about rest, recuperation, recovery and sanctuary. But remember the warning the 4 of Swords contains: don’t let your sanctuary become a tomb. You’re here to recover, not to give up – this is a respite, not a death.

4 of Swords

To this end, the 3 of Cups has a great deal to offer.

Another 3, another beginning, building towards something, this time it’s building towards emotional stability and security. To use an outdated term: “finding your tribe”. Seeking community where your sense of emotional fulfilment comes not from outside validation, but from an internal feeling of belonging.

3 of Cups

Acceptance.

Celebration.

Leading to joyfulness again, and renewed energy.

So often we self-medicate heartaches with isolation. For me, the natural progression of that choice in life leads inexorably from the 3 of Swords, to a very shadowy aspect of the King.

King of Swords

King of Swords…
Rigid, defensive, on high alert; in this aspect of post-traumatic defence, the butterflies on my granite throne don’t signify an ability to transform or be flexible – or even flights of the intellect and imagination – they say that I have already undergone my transformation, and I am now set in stone.
I was made into this. I hold that sword as tight as all my pain, betrayals, resentments and grudges, and the idea of letting them go feels like dismissing their profound and devastating impact on my life.
In my isolation, I am never troubled by new perspectives. I have dug in for the long haul. So much so, it never occurs to me that I might still be in a state of fight or flight: I might still be surrounded by enemies.

The 3 of Cups asks you to live a little – not for anyone’s else’s sake but your own. When was the last time you kicked off your shoes and danced? When was the last time you dropped your heavy burdens, and had fun?

For many who have passed through a particularly powerful three of Swords, that has been an aspect of life that no longer feels possible.

Yet here they are. Three women with their cups raised to each other. They celebrate one another – their successes, their triumphs, their joy at being alive, but they also commiserate their trials and losses.

They give witness and process to all the cycles of life.

They are emotionally supporting and fulfilled.

Each bears a cup that is constantly being replenished by the mutual well of community.

They share their energy when yours is low, and by learning to do the same once again, you open your soul to the balance and harmony of the aspects of life which we see so beautifully embodied by the angel of the Temperance card, and the mystic in The Star card, who pour the waters of life back and forth in that life-giving exchange and balance, which is a natural state of bliss beyond compare.

The stability offered by the 3 of Cups is not precarious, or contingent. It is not sacrificial or self-denying. It is wholesome, and healing, and joyful.

If the 3 of Swords that cut you so deeply may be seen as the physician’s wise intervention, then perhaps those three raised cups hold exactly the right medicine for your recovery.

We were not made to be alone always. The lone wolf may starve in the heat, or freeze to death in the winter. In community, where one is accepted, celebrated and valued, all things are possible; and missing aspects like peace, hope, pleasure and giggling may be restored.

Isolation may indeed be a wiser choice than staying in a community or situation that is harmful, and if there is peace in it, it can be as nourishing and secure as community, but if one is not really at peace; not even really alone, if the ghosts of things past torment us: if we are unable to leave the psychological tangle alone, if we are nursing wounds that need seeing to, then for certain, alone is the worst place to be.

The challenge of the 3 of Swords is acknowledging that the wounded heart is not broken and is far from dead.

It wasn’t meant to die from that wounding, and it wants to be seen.

It wants to beat hard, for joy and adventure.

It wants to race again. It wants to regulate with other hearts and feel safe.

It wants you to kick off your shoes and dance.

Because the swords that pierced it in the past are not a threat to it now, but withering away in the cage of self-neglect masking as self-protection may be a very real danger.

As always, thanks for reading.

Good Luck, and Go On

All photographs belong to Disguised As Fools

Welcome to Disguised as Fools, where you will find a lot of wizard shit about art, gardens, gods n’ goddesses, deeply esoteric mysticism, the language of symbols, magic, books, tarot, and the eternal search for beauty if not meaning.

What is it Mark Twain says?
“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”

Well, the best teachings I ever read favour the fool, and hold him in high regard. I don’t mind making a fool of myself, but I would die of shame if I was ever boring.

Get ready if you’re into the underworld and transformation journeys, or if you have even an inkling there is a lot more fun to be had with reality and knowledge.

This world is a jewellery box of delights and treasures. This life is an infancy to the eons ahead and behind, so play, dress up, imagine to your heart’s content. Spoiler alert – it will never be done. Curiosity should never age, it should only deepen…