Disguised As Fools

I’ve been told I’m a bit of a weirdo. Not always with words.

I’m sure everyone’s experienced this: catching the tail end of an eyeroll; a glance shared between other people behind your back that surprises you, and makes you quickly shut your mouth, and try to remember not to do whatever you were just doing that causes such displeasure ever again.

I’ve realised over the years, this tends to happen most, when I am in my excitement for organising zone.

People don’t like Saturn energy, in my experience. But me? Me?

Oh… I love it.

Two energies make me feel safest these days. Underworld energy: that dulcimer sensation of sinking into the soft black earth of my astral grave, down into the dripping caves of my gorgeous solitude: darkness, like velvet bliss, the sweet smell of roots, cold stone, and just the faintest sweetness of decay…

And the other energy is a plan well laid, and boundaries well marked, and everyone knowing what they’re supposed to be doing and why.

To me the connection between these two energies is very obvious and good: it’s about cycles, and timing, and the fact that there is a right time for everything, and to do those things in their right time brings life.

Put the bulbs in the ground in Autumn, and you will have sweet sweet hyacinths in the Spring. Sleep when your body needs it, and you will regulate and have total freedom to do anything and everything you want.

It’s not always about order – chaos absolutely has its right time as well, and if you ride it when you’re called to, you get POWER.

But if you deny cycles, deny right timings, deny and ignore those deep callings from your intuition towards absolutely the right thing, to me, it feels a very unpleasant kind of wrong. I know because I did it for years trying to make everyone else happy.

There is nothing wrong with each of us being turned on by different things – nothing wrong with us all having totally different nervous systems and tastes. It’s where we’re forced to conform that the problems start to occur.

It is so interesting to me, that when I am high energy, making plans, plotting the moves, getting my ducks in a row and practically beside myself with excitement about a long project – the person next to me is drained. It baffles me that they love to relax with a sit and a dawdle and repeat seemingly void habits that have no process or purpose to my eye, over and over, whereas to me these hours sitting and not doing make me feel like my whole system is a washing machine full of rocks.

I do not like it.

It’s not that I can’t relax: I love to relax! In the garden, quietly on the step with a mug of coffee, and no thoughts in my head. I like to sink into a good book and wile away earth time in another world entirely.

But to sit in my body and be passively unengaged is like a kind of torture.

And I suspect this is why some people see Saturn as the rigid and judgemental Sky Daddy – Like Blake’s Urizen, gouging his laws into books of metal, and forcing all of nature into mills and factories, and generally glooming up the place by being a bossy tyrant-

-while I see him as the ultimate teacher and reference library for when and how to sustain life, and draw out its deeper, most mystical potentials. Its hidden treasures.

Balance: The order with the chaos, the planned with the spontaneous, the nurtured with the trusted and observed. But the boundaries too.

And again, this is where the underworld comes into play, because there are boundaries, and there are rules, and balance depends on them being held in place. The dead must not rejoin the living, and the living must not think they can dwell down with the dead. The living belong to life. And the dead have many fates belonging to them, depending on your viewpoint. But nothing good came of a living being pining away over a grave. Wounds must be healed, you cannot leave them to fester without proper process. I don’t know if there is some kind of unnamed existential infection, but sometimes it seems as if these boundaries are very much there for a profoundly serious reason, and who am I to argue with the order of the universe?

You cannot undo what has been done, and if you could, all meaning and purpose would dissolve. Nothing would matter. You would never grow, there would be no sumptuous transformations – and anyone who has undergone transformation will know that no matter how hard it was, there is always a sense of awe and satisfaction on the other side.

Wonder at the miracles of our inner universes.

I changed. I survived. I overcame that. I was helped by so many people.

All that vanishes if the limits around time, realms and veils were simply taken away, and suddenly you were able to rewind, edit, maybe even delete some people entirely.

It is an existential nightmare I find very irritating to see popping up in narrative fiction all the time – I lose interest the second that plot device comes up, because it negates everything, and everyone.

It makes poor storytelling, so I suspect it would make for very boring existence as well.

Time is not punishment. Challenges don’t need to be seen as torture.

Heaven, or bliss or whatever you call a state of higher grace, is not a domain where everyone can sit around all the time not having to do anything.

Life is alive, and vibrant, and it is in constant progress – miracles big and small. To plant something and be surprised to see it six or seven months later; to watch animals learn to walk, to catch a glimpse of life emerging out of the raw earth, or your own infants grow into such complicated little universes right in front of your eyes.

To dream – to hear music – to smell apple pie and feel the chill after a fat hot summer – all of these things, all of these sensations and dreams – none of it is worth selling for the distraction of disengaging. You forget they exist, you forget how they feel, taste, smell. You forget what they bring to life inside you – and nothing on a screen can replace that. Nothing can replicate that connection to your own miraculous existence.

I suspect if any Virgos are reading this, the sentiment might be familiar. So often mocked and ridiculed, for being controlling, anal, or unable to chill out and enjoy themselves.

But the Earth Goddess of Virgo is another life bringer, both through agriculture and cycles, but also of soul. Her symbol is almost like an animated visual of planting things in the soil over time, one – two – and the energetic movement of it connecting deeply at the end -tethering and making secure. Timed action – at the right time – that symbol is an occult secret right there in front of your face, and ridiculing it, to me, seems the greatest self-exposure of someone who does not understand the intricate workings of nature, or magic, or their own processes.

We can plant anything we want. I suspect we do plant things subconsciously all the time – and whether you know it or not, whether your seeds are happy or sad, they all rise to the surface once they’ve gestated. We are repeating it over and over. Some with intention, others with no idea they are weaving their world through passively repeated actions.

So, while others may be talking about Saturn and Neptune entering Aries in 2025 being about the self, identity, a new cycle of the individual (“the new you”), and how you can go get your dreams and reboot your career (a mentality I think is far more likely to lead Neptune to slap you with a cocaine habit and an ego nightmare), I wonder if maybe it’s about giving you an opportunity to link your dreams, with a nice clear plan to bring them into your own reality.

Taking all that you tell yourself is just a silly fantasy, and showing you, hey: There’s a perfect time for this.

When you prioritise something you really, really care about, and work hard on it – as long as you keep the long road in sight and don’t expect immediate impractical miracles – you’ll get to the end of a whole lot of your days feeling very, very good about yourself.

Some Questions to Ask:

• Do you have any secret dreams you often daydream about, but have never taken seriously?
• How does your gut react to the suggestion of a schedule, or a formal plan? Why do you think it does that?
• What do you crave, deep in your architecture: your bones?
• What patterns seem to repeat in your life, as if pre-programmed?
• If you could make a wish for your future, what would it be?

As always, thanks for reading.

Good Luck, and Go On